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class="container" id="main-content" tabindex="-1"><div class="post"><article class="post-block h-entry"><div class="post-meta p-author h-card visually-hidden"><img class="author-avatar u-photo" src="../favicon.png" alt="Cytrogen"><span class="p-name">Cytrogen</span><a class="u-url" href="https://cytrogen.icu">https://cytrogen.icu</a></div><a class="post-permalink u-url u-uid visually-hidden" href="https://cytrogen.icu/posts/3b5e.html">永久链接</a><div class="p-summary visually-hidden"><p>我和一位朋友有过一段时间的来往。我始终自认我不是一位容易讨厌别人的人，但是和他对话总会升起我心中的一股无名火 —— 不是因为他说了什么过分的话，而是因为他从来没有真正地在「和我对话」。</p></div><div class="visually-hidden"><a class="p-category" href="../categories/%E4%B8%AA%E4%BA%BA%E9%9A%8F%E6%83%B3/">个人随想</a><a class="p-category" href="../tags/%E5%BF%83%E7%90%86%E5%AD%A6/">心理学</a></div><h1 class="post-title p-name">看似自卑却自恋的朋友</h1><div class="post-info"><time class="post-date dt-published" datetime="2025-10-31T06:18:33.000Z">10/31/2025</time><time class="dt-updated visually-hidden" datetime="2026-02-09T17:16:55.549Z"></time></div><div class="post-content e-content"><html><head></head><body><p>我和一位朋友有过一段时间的来往。我始终自认我不是一位容易讨厌别人的人，但是和他对话总会升起我心中的一股无名火 —— 不是因为他说了什么过分的话，而是因为他从来没有真正地在「和我对话」。</p>
<span id="more"></span>
<p>很多时候我在说一些我的事情，他总是可以接上不符合逻辑的话题，或者说毫无意义地反驳我。如果是他自己的事情，他则可以在我没有回复任何字的情况下，自言自语数十分钟，尽管我已经明显表达了不感兴趣的态度。</p>
<p>我有时候也好奇，到底是他听不懂我的意思，还是他明白了但故意搞我呢？</p>
<p>他这种交流模式的本质是 <em>自我呈现</em>。社会学家戈夫曼曾提出过 <em>拟剧论</em>：<strong>人生如戏，社交是表演</strong>。在这场社交的「舞台」上，人们在不同场合扮演不同角色，分为 <em>前台</em> 与 <em>后台</em> 两种状态：<em>前台</em> 是对外展示、意识到被观察的行为空间，演员需遵循社会规范和期待，努力塑造理想形象；而 <em>后台</em> 则是私密放松、不被他人观察的区域，真实自我得以显露和调整。</p>
<p>我和他的交谈，几乎每次都陷入到单向的 <em>前台</em> 自我表演。他将所有交流均视作展现自我的舞台，缺少 <em>后台</em> 的真实释放心态，也不顾及作为「观众」，也就是我的反馈感受。</p>
<p>要说我的真实想法是什么，那便是「我是你的专属情绪垃圾桶吗」。</p>
<p>从心理学角度讲，这种行为又属于 <em>对话型自恋</em>：他在对话中占据主导，只关注如何彰显自我，忽视对方的存在和感受。</p>
<p>而他的自我，是这样的：总是对主流价值观持否定态度，但在现实生活里却是一位完全的「社交失败者」。单是日常聊天，他就只会使用网上流行的「梗句」作答，甚至很多时候，他使用的「梗句」还是具有一定侵入性、攻击性的。</p>
<p>我不反对在现实生活用网络用语，但是网络用语要适量。我想要和你正常沟通交流，换来的却是铺天盖地、没有营养、甚至听着像是在嘲弄内涵我的「梗句」。我要再次声明一下，我不认为我是一个那么敏感的人，但是他真的觉得这些「梗句」不具备任何攻击性的吗？答案是否定的。因为一次我刻意学他说话，他却跳脚般地说教我。</p>
<p>他平日最爱说的一个话题，就是他有多么自卑、无能。我倒是没有看出他的自卑在哪里，只能看出他强烈的自恋。有一种自恋叫做 <em>脆弱型自恋</em>，其中一个防御策略是 <strong>通过先发制人的自我贬低，钓取他人关注与安慰</strong>。一旦感知到安全，他便迅速切换模式，对我进行信息轰炸，说许多我根本不感兴趣的内容。</p>
<p>人是需要知道自己的重要性的。为了达到这个目的，人是可以做出多个看似不符合逻辑、实际上很贴合的事情。比方说，他就很喜欢 <strong>比烂</strong>。比烂是一种攀比，重点是要成为「第一」。至于是什么的第一，无所谓，因为人们只会关注第一，不论是正数还是倒数。</p>
<p>这也是一种 <em>竞争性依附</em>。他将我和他的关系视为 <em>零和博弈</em>，只有在我「输」的前提下，他自己才能「赢」。这种逻辑下，无论什么话题，他在乎的都是如何让我「输」，也就是用各种方式「扳倒」我。</p>
<p>我之后便不再和这个朋友往来。不只是和他对话很火大，再就是他努力想要表达出的自我并不有趣，近乎都是从网络上搜刮来的人设。</p>
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toggleButtonVisibility();
ticking = false;
});
ticking = true;
}
};
const scrollToTop = (event) => {
event.preventDefault();
window.scrollTo({
top: 0,
behavior: 'smooth'
});
};
window.addEventListener('scroll', handleScroll);
backToTopBtn.addEventListener('click', scrollToTop);
toggleButtonVisibility();
});
})();</script></body></html>